stuff is cool

Of course, I am sick again, this time with neck pain that makes it hard for me to hold my head up. It started on Thursday and got progressively worse. I am pretty sure it has something to do with my spine, just moving higher up. However, thanks to the magic of alcohol, I was able to make it through the weekend without wasting the money I had spent on our Halloween costumes. Here, in our majesty, are Marie Antoinette and her lover (I made up a random one), Monsieur Jean-Baptiste:

This photo is courtesy of Michelle and Andrew, who had a small gathering at their apartment Saturday night. We have many pictures on our own camera, which we will post as soon as Danny gets around to it. Very scandalous.

It has been more than a week since the burn incident, and the wound has turned a bruised deep red. Its still covered a footlong portion of my leg, but it is no longer as painful. Last night at my grandfather’s house my mom and my aunt wanted to see the wound so they watched me during my cleansing and bandage changing ritual. My mom took pictures to document the damage. That’s how we are. i won’t show them here, don’t worry.

I haven’t had a real shower since it happened. I have been washing my hair in the sink and sponge bathing on the edge of the tub. Today I will try my first real shower in over a week. You don’t realize how dirty you can get even if you wash daily. Showers just blast the dirt off you better than any wimpy washcloth can.

I cannot wait for that truly clean feeling. Which form of soap and shampoo will I use? I have like 18 different kinds. (It’s a sin.) I think I may go with Philosophy’s Soap and Water head-to-toe body wash+shampoo because it smells so wonderfuly clean.

Then I will gently redress my wound and slip into my new ulta-soft, normally very expensive bathrobe that I got on a deep discount from Bath and Body Works. It’s amazing.

I think tomorrw I need to start applying Mederma to the wound so I don’t have a scar running the length of my entire thigh for the rest of my life. It’s right there in the front, no ignoring it. Good story, but uuugly.

In a follow-up to the original WWJD? post, I have to report that there are new developments in the Holy Beverage Department. Soon to hit the market: Holy Drinking Water. It’s pretty much what it sounds like, though the best part is:

The bottles of plain purified water carry a label that warns sinners who drink the water that they may experience burning, intense heat, sweating and skin irritations.

As often as I think fluff journalism is pointless and a waste of time I have to remember that without it I would miss these nuggets of awesome.

I don’t remember whether or not we posted about Chad Kultgen and his hilarious amazon.com reviews, but a large portion of you readers no doubt heard about it and thought it was pretty funny even if it did get old a bit quickly.

Well, in that same vein, this reviewer writes some pretty hilarious reviews as well, though not as gimmicky as Chad’s. Instead of playing the 80’s-obsessed uber-male, this person just plays someone completely ignorant yet exceedingly eloquent. Here are a few choice selections.

For a diet book:

Something I’d like to ‘chair with you

First of all, I tried the exercise “The Invisible Chair” and all I can say about it is that I no longer use ‘visible chairs’. I simply love this exercise; at the home, out in the yard, at the cafe, doesn’t matter where. While approaching my bus stop I look at the other bus patrons with a smirk. I peregrinate up to the bench as though I’m about to sit on it like any other rube — and then right next to the bench — I neatly fold myself and do the invisible chair exercise. Reading my magazine, self-satisfied, I look askance at my peers.

For some cinnamon-flavored toothpicks:

Cinnamonotonous Tootpicks

This product advertises itself as “low-in-fat, high-in-taste.” This is marvellous because I am on a diet. A good majority of us lack the digestive enzymes necessary to process wood. Although, my colleague Gareth Mitchell Headgraves is a rarity. I admit I become anxious when I leave himself alone in a room with a good piece of teak. In any case, despite a few misguided efforts, I cannot digest wood and will reaffirm that for most of us this product is low in fat.

And lastly, for the Special Edition DVD of “Wilde”:

They should have gotten Gene Wilder to play Oscar Wilde. It would have made this movie a lot Wilder.

There are a lot more, and (except for the last review) I only posted portions of each, so go check them out.

No, not that kind of bible fellowship. In fact, not really a bible fellowship at all. The Perry Bible Fellowship is actually a comic strip, and an often very crude, dark one at that. But I thought I’d post about it here anyway to recommend it to anyone. You can spend a good hour or two just going through all the archives, and while sometimes it’s hit-or-miss, it hits quite a lot. It’s not often a “laugh out loud” sort of humor, but more of a “that’s clever” or even more so “that’s extremely odd”. A lot of the strips play on the unexpected and are designed to surprise in the last panel, sometimes to mixed results. I guess one could say that PBF is somewhat of an “acquired taste”, either you like it or you don’t. Try these two on for size (click for bigger versions):

And in other comical news, The Onion is reporting that Republicans Blame Election Losses On Democrats. How mean of them.

Every Friday Amazon.com has a “one-day savings only!” sale on around 150 items or so. A lot of them get rehashed each week, but sometimes there are new ones, and there’s never a shortage of peculiar items on sale. Here are a few:

Make Your Own Opoly Board Game

I want to know who thought this would be a good idea? I mean, there’s already an “opoly” for everything in the world anyway, what else could one possibly use as a basis to make their own? Though, now that I think about it, Team Awesome could make Awesomeopoly or it’s evil twin Douchebagopoly. And seriously, doesn’t that box look like somebody photoshopped it?

Kenwood TT756SL 2-Slice Radio Toaster with FM Radio

Yo dawg, this makes the crunkest toast ever.

And lastly, here’s a trifecta of items:

Item 1, Item 2, Item 3

In the interest of keeping this a “family” blog, I won’t provide any commentary, just links and images. I didn’t know Amazon was in this sort of business.

Apparently it’s been a little over 10 years since Bill Watterson published the last Calvin and Hobbes comic strip, but over on Reddit I found a link to a collection of scientific explanations from Calvin’s dad, and for fans of the comic I think you’ll find them pretty funny. Here are my two favorites (C is Calvin, and D is his dad):

C: Dad, how come old photographs are always black and white? Didn’t they have color film back then?
D: Sure they did. In fact, those old photographs ARE in color. It’s just the WORLD was black and white then.
C: Really?
D: Yep. The world didn’t turn color until sometime in the 1930s, and it was pretty grainy color for a while, too.
C: That’s really weird.
D: Well, truth is stranger than fiction.
C: But then why are old PAINTINGS in color?! If the world was black and white, wouldn’t artists have painted it that way?
D: Not necessarily. A lot of great artists were insane.
C: But… but how could they have painted in color anyway? Wouldn’t their paints have been shades of gray back then?
D: Of course, but they turned colors like everything else in the ’30s.
C: So why didn’t old black and white photos turn color too?
D: Because they were color pictures of black and white, remember?

C: Dad, will you explain the theory of relativity to me? I don’t understand why time goes slower at greater speed.
D: It’s because you keep changing time zones. See, if you fly to California, you gain three hours on a five-hour flight, right? So if you go at the speed of light, you gain MORE time, because it doesn’t take as long to get there. Of course, the theory of relativity only works if you’re going west.

I sometimes wonder if I get a bit of my inquisitive nature from reading these strips growing up. I’m glad my parents didn’t disillusion me like this, though.

What Would Jesus Drink? Apparently Budweiser:

Apparently this billboard (near downtown Houston, at La Branch and Winbern) was vandalized to it’s current state. I can’t imagine what would possess someone to do this, but I’m glad they did.

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia is pretty freaking funny, in spite of having a fairly hackneyed premise (some guys own a bar), and a horribly blah title. I had never heard of the show, but the SomethingAwful forums pointed it out and I grabbed a few episodes and … well, it was funny enough that I had to watch all 7 episodes that exist. You might not have heard of it either. It is, after all, on the FX network, and apparently it’s not one of the shows they promote a whole lot. But, Season Two is approaching so watch out for it — I think it starts next month (July).

For never turning my own TV on (the last time I turned it on before the one episode of 24 I watched at home this season? the 2005 NLCS back in October), I sure watch a lot of TV.

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