stuff is cool

In August of 2007, I opened a Money Market Account with Chase bank, my bank for over a decade. In fact, it has been my only bank since I was old enough to hold an account.

I sat down that mid-August day with a Chase banker whom I thought was a friend, “Abe,” a man I had trusted since I had been going to his branch for many years. He told me he wanted to set me up with a Chase Premier Checking Account, so that I could earn bonus points and “get free stuff.” He said it was free to upgrade and that there was no reason I shouldn’t, so I said, sure, go for it.

On my very next statement, I started seeing a “service fee” of $20 which recurred every month. Well, since it was called a “service fee,” I believed it was a fee for services to my MMA.

Finally, on June 14, 2008, almost a year later, I finally got fed up with such an expensive service fee. I was no longer using that particular account, and kept very little money in it. I no longer felt $20 a month was worth whatever service they where providing, so I called to see what it was about and if I could cancel my MMA and avoid further “service fees.”

It was only then that I was told that the Chase Premier Checking Account my dear Abe had set me up with requires a minimum monthly balance of $15,000. Yes, FIFTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS. In my entire life, I have never had anywhere close to that much money in my checking account, before or after the supposedly “free upgrade.”

The banker who set me up with this account was looking right at my account history when he did this. I had never had more than a few thousand dollars at any given time. He had no reason to believe I would ever suddenly have $15,000 every month. Nor did he even mention it. I certainly would have turned down this great “free upgrade!”

He also happily helped me set up an alert system so that I would receive an automated call if my account went below $2,000. Hmm, that’s $13,000 lower than the minimum should ever be! So what good would that alert do me? Nothing! Thanks, Abe! What a helper!

I immediately downgraded my account the day I found out about this “service fee” that was actually a “penalty fee” for having less than the required $15,000 minimum.

Then I went to my local branch to demand to know how Chase would have knowingly signed me up for an account minimum I would never be able to reach, and also conveniently failed to even tell me about it.

Their first response was “How come you never called us about that $20 fee before? It’s been on your statement every month for almost a year.” Thank you, Chase, for immediately blaming me. Let’s see, if it were labeled what it truly is, a “PENALTY FEE” I sure as heck would have called you on it the instant I saw it. But no, you call it a “service fee,” though what “service” you have been providing me by taking $20 from me every month, I certainly don’t know.

“Priscilla,” the assistant bank manager (“Keith”, the bank manager, was unavailable) told me that since my father was also on my account, and since he had his own separate account with Chase, perhaps ole Abe had “linked” our accounts “for fee purposes.” That still doesn’t add up. My father should have had to agree to this $15,000 minimum as well, and he doesn’t necessarily always have that much cash sitting around in his own checking account himself. They never asked him. Never once did this minimum get mentioned to any of the two account holders: me and my father.

They just set me up with a ridiculous account with an unattainable minimum, and then happily took $20 from me every month under the guise of providing me with a “service.”

That adds up to over $200. $200 that never should have been taken from me in the first place, if that banker back last August had done his job.

Now Chase is saying they may not be able to refund that money. They have only refunded the last 4 months, claiming that going any further back would be “very difficult” but not explaining why. They have also given no explanation as to 1) why that banker Abe did what he did and 2) why they do not see fit to refund my deceitfully taken money.

I would gladly get the hell out of Chase today if I could but I have to twiddle my thumbs while the “upper management” reviews my case to determine whether or not I deserve a refund. I see no plausible reason why I shouldn’t. Chase was in the wrong from the very start. Whether I caught it last August or next August, that doesn’t change the fact that they screwed up big time, and I had to pay for it.

If someone steals my car and I don’t notice it for a few days, does that mean the thief is less culpable for the theft?

Chase made a mistake that made them money and cost me money. I see no proper recourse other than a full refund.

Hallelujah, I have rediscovered the style and comfort of jeans that fit just below my waist, not just above my lady parts. Low-rise jeans have been so popular for so long that it’s the only style I have been able to buy for many years. The only other option, so I thought, were those horrendous ladies’ Wranglers that look straight out of the 80’s, and seem to come right up under your boobs.

But last Friday, as I was shopping at Old Navy for jeans for Danny, I discovered “classic rise” jeans for myself. Rejoice! The waist is comfortable, the fit is still slimming, and I think I look better than I ever did in low-rise.

The style is called “The Sweetheart” at Old Navy: classic rise, stretch, slight flare. PERFECT. I bought two pairs.

The search for the perfect pair of jeans is practically a lifelong quest for some women. Sure, I’ve had favorite pairs in the past, but what worked for me in college doesn’t necessarily work for me as a 27-year-old wife. The days of sizes 1 and 3 are over for me. I just put about five pairs of such teeny ass-crack-displaying jeans into the giveaway pile that is currently being stored in the guest bathtub (nobody ever uses that tub so it’s perfect storage space for now.)

My jeans drawer now holds a few “back-up” jeans for days when I never leave the house. But now I am all Sweetheart, All the Time.

I also love how it’s called “classic rise” as if it’s all retro and vintage.