stuff is cool

Exactly 9 days ago, I was prescribed Zyrtec to relieve the itching of my mystery rash (probably psoriasis). The prescription cost me a whopping 71 dollars for 30 pills. Today I drag my pained, leprosy-looking body to explore the CVS across the street, as I do almost every day, desperate to find some sort of cream to relive my itching. Horrifically, there, in a glorious “FU” display: “PRESCRIPTION STRENGTH ZYRTEC, NOW OTC!” 30 pills cost fucking $18.99.

CAN I CATCH A DAMN BREAK? Like I have money to throw around with a wedding three weeks away. On top of that, on MONDAY I ordered some turmeric supplements because I have read numerous accounts of miraculous healing for psoriasis sufferes. I made sure to get *next day delivery* so I could get it in my system asap. It’s now FRIDAY. No delivery. Next day delivery MY ASS. I want to explode.

So, for the third day in a row, I have a good violent cry and scream at God. I hear about people who lose their ability to walk or get terminal cancer in every single organ, and people admire them saying: “She’s sooo brave, never once did she ask God why she was suffering.”

Well, I am no angel. I ask why. WHY. Why am I crippled one day, just achy the next (and achy is no picnic.) Why do I cry out in my sleep every time I toss and turn because it hurts my bones. Why am I tormented by anxiety and depression. Why am I COVERED in disgusting itchy welts of bright red terror, all the way from the bottom of my feet to my very scalp? I limp because the bottom of one foot is really painful.

My “most special day” is rapidly approaching and I am falling apart. And about to have a epic nervous breakdown.

Zyrtec, you are the last straw.