stuff is cool

So as not to dwell on tragedy, I will recount the happy things we did this weekend.

Friday night we had an amazing fresh Alaskan (from Alaska!) salmon dinner as caught and prepared by one Matt Frost himself. Then the Frosts and the WhitPaolos attended the summer’s last Mixers, Elixirs, and IMAX at the HMNS, courtesy of the generous Ms. Jamie Glover. We got to see the amazing Deep Sea 3D IMAX, and I lost the over/under of the number of times people would reach out in front of their faces during the movie. I chose under 5.5 and lost by quite a bit, thanks to the girls sitting next to Shannon. Then the gang retired to the Ginger Man to debate the finer issues of the Wizarding World (INFRASTRUCTURE!) and enjoy some snooty beers and a plate of meats and cheeses.

Saturday night Danny and I attended a gathering at Aaron Johnson’s (also his roomies’ Brent’s and Mark’s though Mark wasn’t there) and enjoyed yummy “twice baked chocolate cake” since Aaron preheated the oven forgetting that the cakes were already baked, iced, and stored inside so as to be out of the way. Smoke everywhere, but the cakes were melty delicious. We met a crowd of new folks, as we always do when Aaron has a party. Then we all went to Little Woodrow’s, only to discover they are no longer hosting Big Ass Beer Nights on Saturdays. Which is the only reason we ever went there anyways. There aren’t any other good drink specials in Midtown on the weekends. Paying full price sucks when Big Ass Beers were $1.75!

Sunday was spent completely lounging around, recovering from the emotional Friday/Saturday events that fell before and after and in between all the good stuff. I only got out of my jammies to walk to the corner coffee shop for a mint iced tea. It was quite nice. Oh, and we watched The Illusionist, which is not even comparable to “the other magician movie”, The Prestige. See The Prestige, skip The Illusionist. The Illusionist would have been so much better had it been a movie based on the life of Gob Bluth.

So, there you have it, we had a lovely weekend, all things considered. I don’t want to keep posting things that make people feel sad and awkward. So there’s a bit of a fresh, positive note. I wrote that as much for me as I did for you. And yes, my blog posts are like journal entries, because I am not the type to write about Big Ideas. I write my posts to let my friends and family know what I am up to, since we don’t talk every day. And I think they appreciate that. I think. Whatevs.

I just came home from Grayson’s memorial service. It was heartwrenching. The kids all looked absolutely bewildered. The hardest for me was afterwards, when I ran into my precious babysitting charge Tim. I have known him since he was 5, and now he is a freshman in high school, and he has just lost one of his best friends. He saw me and just fell into my arms and cried so hard. Oh, it was awful. All those children have to grow up so fast when they should be enjoying their first taste of high school.

But something strange and comforting happened during the service. I was sitting there in the middle of a very packed St. Luke’s, which has an enormous sancturary. Suddenly, a single autumn leaf flittered gently down right onto me. My friend Charner sitting next to me and I both looked up and were startled. Where did it come from? There was nothing above me but elaborately carved white ceiling. Besides, it’s still summer!

It made me think of a book I was given when I was around ten, and struggling deeply with the concept of life and death. It was about a leaf named Freddy who eventually had to fall off the tree so that a new leaf could grow. Honestly, the book didn’t calm my fears that much, but I still remember it, and I thought of it today as we mourned a 14-year-old boy. I don’t know where that single leaf came from, or why it landed on me, but it is a strange comfort that I haven’t quite worked out in my head or in my heart yet.

One of my “kids” has died. I coached him in basketball camp for many years and had a little gang of boys who were my buddies. Now all those boys have to grow up very, very fast. They are just starting high school this week. My heart is broken. I have no words right now.

Grayson Monroe Cuenod

The orthopedic specialist was supposed to be presenting my case to other specialists yesterday, because he was perplexed by what he percieved on my MRI as swelling in my spinal bones (not the joints, the bones themselves.) I called yesterday afternoon and the nurse had no information. I will call again this afternoon, though she said yesterday “If you haven’t heard from me by the end of tomorrow don’t think I have forgotten you!” meaning, to me, likely I won’t hear from them until next week. I have searched for information about bone swelling and found dozens of different causes. I can’t diagnose myself. I am really getting sick of waiting for answers, but I feel like I am close. Maybe it’s because I am preoccupied with my back, but today it feels strained and tired more than usual.

Meanwhile, EXCELLENT news came yesterday: My friend Kelli’s lymphoma is in remission! She’s still got several weeks of chemo to go, but things are certainly looking bright! Just last week she and I were talking about how bleak things seemed, and now this great news came! I know it doesn’t really seem real for her, especially since she still has to do chemo, but I was bouncing off the walls last night and crying. Just a week ago I cried in Danny’s arms because I was sad and anrgy and scared for her, and now I was crying because I was so happy. It’s so wonderful!

And his name is Sammy. He’s my cousin and he is in the 5th grade.

So, we ordered my gown and veil today! BIG STEP!

I can’t give away to many details because I want Danny to be breathtaken. Email me to request a link to the image (of the model in it, not me, though my mom might have gotten some good shots of it today.)

My veil is fingertip length, which is very long, but very classical. The gown itself is traditional, but sexy. I love how I feel in it. It knew it was The One. As soon as I drove away from the salon I had a moment of panic, but then I picture a particular view of myself in the mirror, turned, with the gown twisted around me grandly, and I am looking over my shoulder, and I love it. It is the image I will dream about when I picture my gown.

Now, since my Aunt Diane and Uncle Sam are generously buying my gown and veil, Diane was with me today, and she brought Sammy.

I have never seen the boy get more involved in something than he was in this whole wedding gown thing. First, he asked the clerk where the junior birdesmaid’s dresses were so he could look at possibilities for Maddie. Then he picked out several pairs of shoes for me. Then he started asking detailed questions about what he would be wearing. THEN he brought over some pieces of jewelry he thought I should consider. This is an 11 year old boy having the time of his life in a bridal salon.

I had so much fun with him today. I am taking him on all my wedding planning errands. Oh, and tonight he called to go over his thoughts about his tuxedo, and did I think he should buy one or just rent? Also, he would like a bow tie. He went to the Al’s Formalwear website and selected (he read this to me) a six button wing collar shirt, an After Six one button tuxedo jacket, a silk vest, and, of course, the bow tie. I hope his enthusiasm lasts through the wedding because it helps me feel less stress, seeing his joy. Who would have known? What a kid. He’s awesome.

Ok, so, not really. But it struck me as really funny that some magazine is blasting Britney Spears for serving her kids “soda in their bottles.” Heh. When I was little I had a choice: “Baba milkie, or baba Coke?” and I would say “Baba Coke.” And I turned out JUST FINE! But I still don’t like Britney, just to make that clear.

So, this past weekend I was up in Boulder at the Colorado Cup with my ultimate team, and on Saturday night we were flipping around on the TV while waiting for our turns in the shower when Flight of the Conchords came on. At first I just thought “uh, what’s this?” with a slight chuckle and kept watching. Well, then this song came on:

and I was sold. I’ve since checked out some of their other stuff on the website and perhaps my second favorite is this one:

If you like silly/absurd comedy songs, check these out.

I feel validated. Not only did Petie feel the same way I did, but this guy went into detail on his blog about the problems he had with the last harry Potter book. I think he explains it all nicely.

EDIT: The link is now bolded so you can see it clearly.

Well, I knew it would happen sooner or later. This is my 6th (7th?) spinal flare since April. I have had at least one, if not two, IVs of steroids each time, because it’s the only thing that will make the swelling and pain go away. Today, the doctor finally said I could no longer tolerate any more IVs. It’s too toxic and dangerous. Oh, I am still on steroids, but the puny, slow-working “dose pack” of pills that takes 5 days to administer completely. Not the same as the magic hour with the IV drip. Oh well. I don’t like how fat I have gotten since April. I can’t blame it all on the ‘roids, because I also like candy WAY TOO MUCH, but my face is definitely puffy and I am at my largest ever in my life. SUPER. Hence, my new snack friends, carrots and tomato cherubs.

It’d be nice if I could use that treadmill of mine . . . but I can’t put stress on my spine. I have got to get out of this cycle! I see the specialist on the 17th, and my fingers are crossed that he has an answer, any answer.